About the Ring Bearer and the Flower Girl

I was recently asked by a couple if they needed to have a Ring Bearer and a Flower Girl for their wedding. It got me to thinking that perhaps there are a lot of other couples who are also in a quandary about whether or not they need to include these positions in their bridal parties and what to do with them if they do. So here is some general information you might find helpful.

To begin with; No, you do not need to include a Ring Bearer or a Flower Girl in your wedding. Wanting to is one thing, but having to is definitely not a requirement.

Photo by Chris Neimann Photography

Does the Ring Bearer carry the real rings?
The answer depends on how old and/or mature he is. Under 4 or 5 years it can get dicey, but you or the parents of the child will know best what to expect of the little guy. If you or they think he can handle real rings, by all means, have him carry them in. But if you are hesitant in any way, have him carry ceremonial rings and have someone else in charge of the real ones. Another option could be for the Ring Bearer to enter with the real rings and go directly to the Best Man, who takes them from the Ring Bearer and holds them safely until they are needed for the vows.

And just for the record, the Ring Bearer doesn’t have to be a boy - as evidenced by this little cutie who carried in the rings atop a bucket of moss.

For that matter, the Ring Bearer doesn’t even have to be a person! I have seen many Ring Bearers of the canine sort.

Which brings up another point; the rings don’t have to enter on a pillow. Let your imagination create any way that suits you and the style of your wedding. I have seen rings carried into the ceremony in containers of all sorts; shells, baskets, bejeweled boxes, bouquets, pockets, dog collars, pails, baskets, a grandfather’s pocket watch and even a bird’s nest.

Does the Flower Girl have to sprinkle flower petals as she enters? 
Absolutely not. Flower petals are the most commonly used and you can use silk petals as well as the real ones. If preferred, the petals can remain in a pail or basket as she enters, without being strewn in the aisle.

Other options for the Flower Girl to carry could be a fan or a pomander or even her own little bouquet of a single or multiple flowers.

What if at the last minute they are afraid to go down the aisle?

Shyness can happen with any of the little ones so having an alternate plan is always a good idea. You can have them enter with someone else in the bridal party or Mom or Dad can help them down the aisle if necessary. Mom or Dad might feel a bit sheepish about coming down the aisle, but I have seen this save more than one wedding processional right before the Bride’s entrance, so be willing to be flexible.

Should the Ring Bearer and Flower Girl stand with the bridal party or sit when they get to the front?

Again, it depends on the age and maturity of the child and what look you want for the front of your wedding. As a general rule, children under 5 or 6 should probably be seated at the front with parents or grandparents but the older ones can usually handle standing through the ceremony. The girls, especially, seem to love being a part of the full wedding experience.

Here’s a clever idea for the Flower Girl seats - hand drawn name tags, taped to the chairs.

   

How do you entertain them before and after the ceremony?

Get creative! Crayons, toys, bubbles, even bubble wrap will do the trick for the active minds and bodies while they wait for things to happen.

playing with bubble wrap - a great way to kill some time!

blowing bubbles

It’s your wedding and you should have things the way you want them, whether you include Ring Bearers and Flower Girls or no children at all. Regardless of your choice, putting your personal touch on things will always create a wedding that suits you best - and isn’t that what it’s all about.

  

Sam and Tesh marry on October 23, 2009 at The Umstead in Cary

It was a beautiful October day, the sun was shining, the weather was perfect and their family and friends had come in from all over to celebrate this beautiful couple and their multi-cultural family. The whole celebration has been designed to honor all the cultures involved.

Sam and Tesh are both from Great Britain and have been living and working here in the RTP for quite some time. Hitesh is Indian descent and their infant son, Alfie, was wearing a traditional white Indian wedding suit with burgundy and gold brocade around the neck and wrists. Unfortunately none of the photos I took of him came out, but he was just adorable. His big sister, Lola, was one of the Flower Girls and looked beautiful in her Western-style white dress.

Their friends and family, most of whom came in from Britain, were a fun bunch. Here are all the guys in the hall, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

And here is Sam, waiting in her room. She had the traditional henna on her hands and feet and it was just beautiful. Henna is quite an intricate art form and an ancient Indian tradition. Her dress was most unusual in that it had something akin to flat pompoms all over it and every time she moved it moved with her. It was a lovely effect.

And they found a very clever way to entertain the Flower Girls while they waited - bubble wrap! What is it about that stuff?! It will turn you into a kid immediately. The little girls were having a great time popping the bubbles and were totally content with that. It was all I could do to not go over and join them on the floor doing the same thing! So if you ever need a way to entertain kids (and adults too, it seems) take along some bubble wrap.

The ceremony was held in the beautiful wedding garden of The Umstead Hotel and Spa in Cary. The very capable and unflappable Social Catering Manager, Ami Wheeler, was on hand to make sure everything went off well for them and to keep them all on schedule.

The floral decorations for the ceremony were provided by Steven Taras of The Watered Garden. Steven oversees all the magnificent arrangements for the hotel itself and his work is very special. You can see his use of the unexpected in the placement of a bowl of magnificent flowers on the ground on one side and on a pillar on the other. I had never seen that done before and it gave a unique perspective to the already beautiful setting with the cascading water fountain in the distance.

At the end of the ceremony, the guests were to shower flower petals onto Sam and Tesh as they went back down the aisle and all the chairs had their bags of petals waiting.

It was a wonderful celebration with incredibly beautiful people everywhere you looked. As Chris Azul, of Azul Photography, was getting everyone set for a group photo, I took this happy shot. I just loved how happy they all were and how beautiful their colors looked in the setting.

My congratulations to you, Sam and Tesh. It was a joy to help you put together such a fun celebration to share with your family and friends. I hope you’ll stay in touch from time to time and let me know how you are doing - and so I can see your handsome children grow up over the years.

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