Back to My Old's Life~~

After this happen in my class..I think I'm a troublemaker!! I should shut my big mouth and stay a side to prevent troublem happen...
I will change back to my earlier lifestyle, the lifestyle that I start to suffer my life- Lower six's life-!!
Althought it doesn't feel that good ..Because it will feel so lonely but who care?? I prefer live alone that live with a bunch of two side face of friend!!
Nowaday, is difficult to have a good friend....Although I wanted to try my best be a good friend to them but actually is difficult...Why?? Because they doesn't notice about that~~No matter I try so hard..lastly end up with a broken heart..Then..whatz for we need friend?? If we always will end up with heart broken and fail in friendship...Whatz for we need friendship?? I still remember whatz I wrote in my MUET essay..
" Human being can't live alone because human can't stand the feel of lonely."
That is why human always need friend, although the friend isn't the real friend.
I hate this" friend" topic/term...
Why?? Why I always will have a friend problem?? Isn't My wrong??
I think YES~~
Or not how I'm gonna explained about the friendship that made me sad for weeks?? Or the friendship that made me feel sad and cry for days??
Why?? Although I think is my problem but Why I still can feel that isn't me the wrong all the times??!!!
I can be tolerate them, but why they can't tolerate me??
Why I must be the person to give move and tolerate instead of they also can do the same thing??
I must be crazy by thinking too much~~
About leadership...I don't know that, Am I a good leader??
I try the best and give the best for my member even though I not the leader...
I try to give cooperation but doesn't work...Maybe some of them said that I not good in leadership..maybe some of them say that I too coward to be a leader..Some of them also say I'm a good leader....
In real world..Am I ??Am I a good leader?? I don't know!!
Everytimes I watch Super Junior, especially Leeteuk..He try so hard and give the best for his member..His member always nice and so friendly to him..Super Junior is a big group which has  15 member in there..Each of the member come from different places..They manage to debut 5 years....with 4 albums...which not included the OST, Super Junior-H, Super Junior-M, Super Junior-T and KRY. Leeteuk manage to handle such a big cooperation between among them...They like brother to Leeteuk..and so as Leeteuk to them..Although they like to play with Leeteuk or Leeteuk like to mad or joke with them..They doesn't feel irritating to Leeteuk..
Compared to my class...My class only have 8 people..I as a assitant monitor doesn't exist in their eyes..I only exist when they need help..Doesn't matter how I work hard..I can't be like Leeteuk!!
That make me feel tired...I don't want to care any more...
I just want to concentrate on my study..
*sigh*I going back to my earlier life which is shut my big mouth and  stay a side be like a robot..Move when people ask to!!Stay still when people doesn't ask to!!
That is for today..
From,
ChanSY -Real Life Diary-